he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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