I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
