Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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