I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i will never coherently bang her
Church boner. Awkwardddd
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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