i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
