I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
we should paint friendship bongs
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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