the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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