you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
