It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
