Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
