Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
