I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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