Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
