Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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