he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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