Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
