When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
