Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You need Xanax blowdarts
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
