Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
