Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
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