I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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