1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
