I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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