He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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