some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
