How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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