I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
