He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
