A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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