***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
You did what with his pubic hair?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
