I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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