I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
