He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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