i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
