I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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