i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
