she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
