who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
