in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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