is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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