you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
