he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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