Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
wow bdsm is so cute
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
