I am puke
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
