don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
