i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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