we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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