Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
