This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
