It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
