I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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