I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
