sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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