Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
