So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
3 2 1 whiskey
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
