Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
