Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
