I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
