mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
