I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
there was a trapeze. enough said
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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