when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Enjoy the penises
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
