this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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