the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
