I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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