If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
